Why `Control', Not `Love', Makes The World Go Round - Part One

Opinion:by Benson Agoha

My friend Yaphath Colebrook, once said that it is a great thing to find love, or have it find you.

So then, for many of us seeking love, it is either playing tricks on us or has become our nemesis.

How many times, have we gone in search of peace, but found exactly the opposite? And how many times have we gone in search of love, and found hate, in search of success, but are faced with failure.

So, whoever said that love that makes the world go round, must have existed, not in our world but some other model. Or, as is often the case these days, some argue that 'unconditional love' will succeed where love failed.

I stoutly kicked against it on LinkedIn's `Leadership Think Tank'. That was, until Jane Barrash offered a different perspective. Jane persuaded us deviants that, despite our unfavourable predispositions to the idea, we could in fact, collectively co-create a new reality.

Few minutes after I wrote on this colume about my views of the valentine day celebrations, which I had been told was, afterall no so divergent, hardly had I retreated to a quiet spot upstairs, than a man, staggered over, and dumped himself on the seat, next to me.

If you looked closely, you could tell he was unsettled about something, - on valentines day. And while I was intrinsically excited, in preparation for what might result in a juicy piece, he was soon joined by his spouse who, sensing my aparent discomfort, assertively pulled him close, and planted a smacker on his lips.

Eh, yes it was Valentine's Day afterall. Remember, I was still waiting and hoping. Was love being fair? Was it playing tricks or simply being my nemesis?

The irony was that the dishevelled-looking man, though did in fact readily picked up the smacker, was aparently, not in the mood for love, or Valentine day celebration. And before long, he staggered off without his lady in tow.

Some wise man had said that love makes the world go round. But this is hardly irrefutable. Just as neither peace or war. Else, how would Mario Puzo be considered right when he admonished that whatever we fall too much in love with, betrays us in the end.

Something else must be the pivot on which the world revolves, and I am not even talking of money. Something that, like plasma, tampers with the excesses of love, peace, war or money - or lack of them.

One that is capable of delivering a cooling-off effect and stem the bubbles, in such a way they never shoot too high up, nor fall back too much in, that they leave a dent.

Giving enough room, when left to their vagaries, variables posses a natural tendency to exercise freedom of movement. And, unless they get bogged down by excessive weight, they fly about with the resplendent `eehhs' and `ooohs' of excitment. But even roller coasters have other effects, than excitement.

If all things are not equal, and they hardly are, the centre cannot hold. Which is obviously why economists often anchor their hypothesis on a safer premise of "all things being equal".

If this isn't a warning not to take their statements on face value, I wonder what is?

'Control' is the quintessential factor that makes the world go round. How much of your actions can you control or rather, how much of your life is within your control?

I would love to hear your view on this. Feel free to drop me a line through: onlinewoolwich@yahoo.co.uk.

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My Divergent Views On The Concept Of Beauty

by Benson Agoha

Whoever solves the problem of mankind or (as some may argue), women and quest for beauty, deserves commendation.

I just finished M.C.Scott's `Rome: The Art Of War', where Prabo managed to sustain, over a long period, his love for a beautify spy. Jocasta had grown into a spectacular combination of brain, beauty and confidence, three of the very important attributes of power.

Though Prabo's fantasy and loyalty eventually paid off, at least for the sake of his beautiful heart, it was unexpectedly bumpy. Beauty aside, how much loyalty really can you expect from a powerful and well connected spy?

But Scott's epic novel was set in AD69 Rome. Now fast-forward by 1,945 years and we consider a young man declaring his fancy for a beautiful career woman.

`Why do you love me?', she asked him after a few acquaintance meetings.

'Because I find you lovely and truly beautiful', Lover-boy explained, earning himself a fleeting smile.

Why? Because women are often more comfortable with the subject of beauty than that of love, for the simple reason that, while being lovely reminds them of coupling-up and tangling feeling, that of beauty tells them they are appealing and desirable.

Though his mother warned him not to try too much to understand women, lover-boy had since found that women appear to prefer `uncommitted appeal and desirability' to being in `love'.

But surviving through the ages, is beauty compliment. It is about the only gift that guarantees instant reward from the receiver. Sometimes, it delivers more in return.

For while lack of commitment helps a lady's flirting, which can potentially stir up desires, and offers that can then be evaluated for a decision, love says you are taken - and out of the market.

So women appear to let the circle go on, until they meet that `special' someone. Often times, these are unavailable.

A beautiful and well dressed woman is just `an invitation to treat', law teachers often tell their students.

Still evaluating the young man, the lady said "I have my faults, you know".

To which he replied "I didn't expect you wouldn't."

* Beauty Pyramid.

The tempo changed, and skin reddened before she said "So you mean you expected faults from me and yet you want me, why is that?"

The young man looked around, no one was on hand to help him sort his problem out. He had to figure out a way.

Whoever said beauty was without blemish? The truth is that we all only have imaginations of beauty, or its epitome.

And in so far as that goes without a doubt, there are those who will argue that they recognise beauty when they see it. Do you?

Custodians of beauty claim, they know it when they have it, but a sage admonished that beauty is transient and ephemeral. Perhaps, this is why lovers of beauty seek it. To find it, understand it and know it - in case it disappears.

Some say beauty empowers uniquely. But, as much as it does, it is only internal strength that truly exposes and drives it to the surface.

How then do you recognize, and progressively reinforce latent strength in others, to stimulate their beauty?

Psychologists believe that beauty is a product of happiness. In other words, if you want to be beautiful, try to be happy, even though you still have to pursue happiness.

Happiness, is a state induced by different variables in exchange for its own by products varrying behaviours, depending on the individual and his personality characteristics.

Mystics and astrologers believe that beauty is a product of a different state, which depends on an individual's `self-rising', which increases one's sex appeal and radiance. Each of these standpoints have their relevance.

And if recognizing what triggers inner strength proves difficult, defining `beauty' appears more so. Yet many of us crave for beauty more than a superior inner strength.

Without inner strength, beauty exudes a forlorn and despondent outlook. Without `inner strenght' also, `will' is lost, and without `will', there is no `hope'. Without `hope', radiance varnish. Without radiance, there can be no `confidence'.

Five pre-conditions of beauty - variables that feature as necessary pre-requisites of appreciable beauty include:

Inner Strenght: the energy necessary to consciously articulate and aim for a cause.

Will: the determination to work on that given cause towards a positive result.

Hope: the believe that there is a future result that is derivable from that pursuit.

Radiance: the noticeable result of that conviction that you are doing the right thing towards a desired goal. This leads to peak performance. The point at which `beauty' is observable.

Confidence: The point at which possessors of beauty are seen to exhibit noticeable self-belief. This in turn produces an element of calmness and self-worth exemplified by self-confidence.

* The Beauty Pyramid2

So beauty is a product of inner strength, producing will, hope and radiance and confidence - in that order.

Obviously communicating this to those obsessed with beauty or lack of it can prove herculian, and perhaps explains why the sage, Plato, sought to assuage the feelings of diffidence in others when he said "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!"

Ok then, if you notice it, please tell them or would you rather not?

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* Follow me on twitter: @bensonagoha.

* Articles for publication must have full contact details, including name, address and telephone number of sender and sent by email to: onlinewoolwich@yahoo.co.uk.

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