Saturday 25 May 2013

AN INVITATION TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET- (PART ONE) by LUCIRA JANE NEBELUNG


Some people cheered and some felt my last post was "harsh" on Benedict and religion and the rampant hypocrisy. The only reason I could "see" it so clearly is because I'm the biggest hypocrite I know. Life always and only mirrors and we see that which is inside of us.

There is a huge distinction between gratification and fulfilment, that which truly sustains us. The only way to have an abundant, fulfilled and thriving life is to engage with totality of our being in self-love. We are human and divine, matter and spirit, meant to experience both. Our humanity illuminates and reveals our divinity.

That's it. Life is a mirror and self-love.

At the moment of birth, we enter life with a basic trust that life, reality is inherently good and we are "held"; life is felt as a part of us without separation. Essentially this is our initial relationship with "God." For many if not most of us this trust has been "violated" in some way, either through trauma or conditioning and we took on a belief in separation. This is a lynchpin that generates our life experience, reinforcing and perpetuating this belief, which is a thought tied around a feeling, generally an unexpressed, denied, unprocessed emotion.

Everything, and I mean everything; in our life is a projection and reflection of the conscious and unconscious beliefs about our relationship with our true, divine nature. This is a huge gift because in every moment, life is reflecting our beliefs as an invitation to grow and rebirth our totality of being. Pay attention to what your reactions and judgments are, they are telling you what is going on inside of you. How we separate ourselves from our true nature is our blind spot.

How Come Every Time I Get Stabbed in the Back, My Fingerprints Are All Over the Knife?

After the death and capture of the Boston Marathon bombing suspects, in the wee hours of a morning I was awake and contemplating how these young men and the young men responsible for the shootings in Aurora and Sandy Hook felt so alienated they chose to live a life of deception and violence. What came to me gently was my own belief that my own value, worth and being loved was based on maintaining deception. Protect the "lies" at all costs. On top of this, if I failed then not only was I going to be punished by burning in the fires of hell, everyone I cared about was going to hell along with me. Where did this "story" come from? The experience itself is not important and I have no direct memory of it, but the story I took away is a belief that I've held subconsciously since I was a small child that has generated my life experience.

What is the result of this "story"? I've lived for close to 60 years with a compulsion to hide. I hated hide-and-seek as a child; I did not want to be found, we were all going to hell. When I spoke "truth", said what I sensed or "saw" or "knew", I was "punished": A dear friend suggested that I hedge what I say, not say what I "know" with certainty to give people "wiggle room." She also got angry with me for apologizing for "my ego pandering to her ego" - which we were.

Another person I care deeply about called a knowing a "fantasy" and wanted no further contact. Being open and truthful brought the pain of rejection. Believing I was only loved for maintaining deception, resulted in my responding with passive aggression: For the most part, if I couldn't be truthful, I was going to "hide" or otherwise avoid confrontation.

I didn't want to be part of this life and withdrew.

The essence of my work is about "truth" and living and leading with integrity and authenticity. And, the more I came out with what I know about life and love and spirit, the less work and income I had. I had reached a point of being mentally, emotionally and financially depleted. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. My mind and thoughts (subconscious) created my own hell on earth (which is what hell is and we all do).

Life was reflecting to me my own belief that by not maintaining the deceptions, maintaining the denial of who we are, by telling the truth, I was worthless. While we all hold the belief that our value is based on maintaining "the" deception to some degree or another, this was my blind spot, how I separated myself from my true nature. All the other "stories" that I subconsciously told myself continue to unravel and more and more is revealed. It was my lynchpin, initiating the absence of basic trust that we are lovable without condition. The mirror of my life was distorted by this one belief. Without the lynchpin we trust the goodness of life, of reality, as infinite loving awareness.

The divine in me honors the divine in you!

Namasté!

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Lucira Jane Nebelung is a Faculty member of the Center for Leadership Studies, The Graduate Institute, and Founder & Principal of "Leading as Love". She wrote in from Norwich, Connecticut Area.

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